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Joke of the Day

"Hey little kid in your adorable pink jacket: I'm no kidnapper, but if I was, you would be the one."

"Where do you find a man with an aquatic mammal fetish? In Wales."

"What did the US President with Alzheimer's ask his wife? Who are you?"

"What has 2000 eyes and 4000 feet? A thousand dogs."

"Breaking News:Will.i.am has eye removed. Now he's just Will Am (I'm sorry it only works in speech form)"

"Q: How can you tell if it's a trombone player you're kissing? A: You feel his hand going up your ass!"

"What happened to the Japanese man who walked into a wall with a boner He hurt his nose. There are more boner jokes at http://www.bonerjokes.com"

"Have you ever read the serial number on a condom before? No? You have to unroll it 2 more inches!"

"Why don't little girls fart? Because they don't get an asshole until they get married."

"A baby is 75% water. So if I walked on babies I'd be 75% Jesus. #SolidLogic"