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Joke of the Day

"What does a pirate take for his allergies? Aye-drops"

"You say ""I suggest you join this Facebook group and get 500 free Mafia Wars points"" but all I see ""Block me."""

"Do you remember that creepy girl who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!"

"""Eighty-seven percent of people think lasers are friggin' awesome."" - Pew Pew Pew Research Center"

"I always start crying uncontrollably whenever I am about to get intimate with a girl . . . . . . Any good tips with dealing with pepper spray?"

"Two aliens sitting in a bar... The first looks at the second and says ""bleep loop do dooee day baaarrggg"" The second looks ask at the first a d says ""shut up frank, you're drunk"""

"GEORGE WASHINGTON: We should put ""We Trust In God"" on our money THOMAS JEFFERSON: Great idea. Did you get that? YODA (taking notes): Yep"

"Them: Can you describe yourself in five words? Me: Stay at home couch accessory."

"What do you call a open can of tuna in a lesbians apartment. Potpourri. Sorry :P Boss told me this yesterday."

"It is a good thing butt cracks are vertical... If they were horizontal, we would hear clapping every time someone used the stairs."