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Joke of the Day

"Do you remember that creepy girl who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!"

"How many vampires does it take to open the Curtain on Daylight? Just one with depression."

"One you haven't heard- What do you call twins with no arms and no legs, hanging by a window? Curt 'n Rod"

"What does Amtrak have in common with Tom Cruise? They both like to go off the rails Edit: On a side note, I hope all of the passengers, and crew are ok, and recover quickly"

"Why don't prostitutes vote? They don't care who gets in"

"Are you eating Jell-O? Cow: ""Yeah."" You know what gelatin is made from, right? Cow: ""No, what?"" Uh. Rainbows. Enjoy, buddy."

"""You're saying it's all an act? Chewbacca: Indubitably, my good man."

"How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? Three. Two to complain about it and one to light an organic scented candle."

"Ready for battle, I taunted Monday and spit in its face, but when I woke up from my drunken haze, I realized I'd been yelling at Sunday."

"A Doctor told a man he had chronic constipation. His response.. ''No shit!''"