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Joke of the Day

"I told my psychiatrist that I have been hearing voices. He told me that I don't have a psychiatrist."

"I met an urban dwarf who keeps perfect time. He's a metronome."

"How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None. 1845 never forget."

"[job interview] ""So do you have any questions you'd like to ask me?"" Can I wait a week until I take the drug test?"

"Even with 4 million subscribers, /r/jokes sounds like a big empty hall. I can hear jokes echoing again and again."

"If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they'd lose the alarm and just announce that there's free food by the stairs."

"It was so cold UN weapons inspectors suddenly decided that chemical weapons might be hidden in Hawaii"

"Why couldn't the melons secretly get married? Because they were cant elopes"

"The Golden Globes are like the Oscars produced by a former Soviet republic."

"My SO always wanted a Disney wedding... But aparently selling our memories of it to a demon was out of the question."