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Joke of the Day

"If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they'd lose the alarm and just announce that there's free food by the stairs."

"A pirate walks into a bar ... ... and the bird on his shoulder is saying ""Pieces of Nine. Pieces of Nine"". It was a parroty error."

"I lost 100 pounds with this simple trick I gave it to charity"

"A vulture boards a plane... ...carrying with him two dead raccoons. The stewardess says, ""I'm sorry, but we only allow each passenger one carrion."""

"X-post from r/jokes: ""Hey! The dog you sold me yesterday just fell over and died today!"" ""Huh, strange. He's never done that before."""

"The old ones are the best ones... ...unless we're talking about pornstars of course."

"Ran my first 10K this morning. Just kidding I'm on my third donut."

"Fail-proof diet: cut sugar, fats, pasta, alcohol, bread and wrists."

"How can you tell if a package is gay? It cums in the male"

"Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray."