81409

Joke of the Day

"how much morning wood, would my girlfriend suck, if she ever sucked and if I had a girlfriend. Whatever."

"I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that i have it."

"No matter who you vote tonight to become our next president.. there is going to be a blonde sitting in the Oval Office in about 3 months.."

"What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre"

"Apparently showing the pharmacist a picture of my wife was not a good enough reason to get Valium without a prescription."

"An entire generation does not know what the hell is happening when a movie pans over to a wall calendar and the pages magically fly away."

"Why can't a dog clap in the middle of a movie? Because it keeps hitting pause."

"I had dream that I really had to take piss When I woke up I had peed myself. Thats when I relised... dreams really do come true"

"I'd like to shake the hand of the guy who invented the snooze button... in like 9 minutes."

"Just read a book on Helium. Couldn't put it down."