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Joke of the Day
"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."
Next Joke
"My wife has packed her things and left me... My wife has packed her things and left me due to my obsession with glass objects. Frankly, I'm shattered."
"[Calls number written on my windshield with lipstick] Hi, you left your number on my car. Who's going to clean this?"
"Most black 15-year-olds are decent law-abiding citizens. It's their kids that cause all the trouble."
"""This is the one I use for wiping"" - Handshakes"
"Why do polish people all have ski at the end of their name? Because they can't spell toboggan."
"My little Nephew told me this one. What do Trees and Dogs have in common? Bark."
"The guy who invented predictive text died last night... his funfair is next monkey"
"Poor Luigi when his parents were all, ""This is Mario, we also call him 'Super Mario'. And this Luigi, we also call him 'Player 2'."
"Just updated my resume. Hobbies section now includes: ""Currently tied with Lance Armstrong in Tour de France victories."""