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Joke of the Day

"Husband: Let's try a different position tonight. Wife: That's a good idea. You stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."

"Yuck: I do not recommend Volkswagen's new Meat Lover's Jetta."

"[on a date] *don't let him know you're a bird* Him: I'll drive us. I just had my car cleaned and detailed. Me: *poops all over windshield*"

"Dear Keebler elves, 100 calorie packs of cookies suck. I hope your tree burns down."

"If you think the way to a mans heart is through his stomach.... Then you're aiming too high"

"So this baby seal walks into a club... ..."

"This guy gave me the weridest look when i flushed his urinal for him, It's like people have no concept of manners anymore"

"TIFU by giving my coworker my #23 I got his Togos #24. I hate avoc... whoops, wrong sub"

"What does Dr. Oz do when you throw scientific evidence at his head? Ducks like a quack."

"Walking into WalMart with my kids, ""Remember, kids - use your Target voices."""