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Joke of the Day

"[on a date] *don't let him know you're a bird* Him: I'll drive us. I just had my car cleaned and detailed. Me: *poops all over windshield*"

"I rented some heavy lifting equipment in Kiev from a company called You Crane."

"What happens when you step on an oily asian? Better not say. I feel like I'm already treading on a slippery slope."

"""I always try to go the extra mile for my customers"" - new york's most hated cab driver"

"The guy who invented throat lozenges died last week. There was no coffin at the funeral"

"Joke Who will always be the #1 ranked father and son of all time? God"

"What's the difference between a pedant and a sadist? A sadist is honest about his intentions. ____________________________________ That probably wasn't funny, but what do I know?"

"Few women admit their age; few men act it."

"What do you get when you mix a gay Eskimo and a Black man? A snow blower that doesn't work"

"What did the starfish say when it realized that it lost it's ability to regenerate limbs? I can't remember."