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Joke of the Day

"How many confederate flag bearing husbands does it take to beat up their wives? None, she fell down the stairs."

"I try to keep it gangster, so I just walked into the grocery store and shouted ""Scuze me! Could you direct me to the motha fuckin bakery?!"""

"Medical prices these days are ridiculous Why, something as simple as an amputation costs an arm and a leg."

"last night my dog shit on the floor then at some point the Roomba came and smeared it all over the house :D"

"I've been fired from work for putting in too many hours Clock manufacturing isn't as easy as you think ^(yes I thought of this after reading the shifts-keyboard joke)"

"What do you call a constipated German? far-from-poopin"

"What happens when a plant is sad? The other plants have to photosympathize with it"

"I'm pretty sure this zombie fad is dead ... But for how long?"

"Why does the divorced guy keep a tampon on the top of his tv set? To remind him of the cunt that has his DVD player."

"A blind girl was giving me a handjob last night..... and said ""this is the biggest cock I've ever felt in my hand."" I said ""Nah you're just pulling my leg."""