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Joke of the Day

"Why does the universe expand?.... All the Milky Ways. You get it."

"How do you know when a bass player and drummer are at your front door? The knocking is out of time and they don't know when to come in."

"It doesn't matter how much you move the envelope It'll still be stationary."

"CHILDREN & CARS Children in the backseat can cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat can cause children."

"I hate when my phone corrects ""hood morning"" to good morning. Maybe I meant hood morning. Maybe some thug shit has happened today."

"What did General Custer's advisors tell him before the Battle of Little Bighorn? Don't do it, it's Siouxicide"

"Watch as i slowly pull my shirt up over - wait, stuck in the too-small neckhole...struggling... Okay, dont watch."

"My wife had the best Mother's Day I didn't ask her for sex, not even once."

"My landlord wanted to come talk to me about the high heating bill I told him, ""My door is always open""."

"Stop me if you've heard this already. -said no kid ever"