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Joke of the Day

"I just saw a woman with a tremendous amount of make up and I was really tempted to use my finger and write ""wash me"" on her face"

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"Why did the horse go behind the tree? To change his jockeys."
"If you're having girl probs, I don't feel bad for you, son/ I've got ninety-nine traits but empathy ain't one"
"how did the bananas get away from the cops? They split up."
"Hey girl is there wifi here? Cuz i feel a connection"
"You think the dozen roses on my toilet tank are there to mask odor? Read the card: ""Dear toilet. I'm so sorry for all the shit I've done..."""
"My facial tattoo is going to look so cool when I'm working as a janitor for McDonalds."
"Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties? Because there's lots of school spirit!"
"Three friends were casually talking. -I bumped into my Russian friend yesterday -Vladislav? -Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more!"
"The best part of necrophilia You don't have to bring flowers"