80133

Joke of the Day

"Why girls live longer than boys???? SHOPPING"" never causes HEART ATTACKS, but,""PAYING the ""BILLS"" does"

"Explained to my client that he shouldn't put ""urgent"" in the subject line of every email he sends. He now sends some as ""urgent urgent""."

"4k tvs? no thanks i only need one"

"If you're a vegan who ran a marathon & you got your dogs from the shelter.... How do you decide which thing to wedge into the conversation first?"

"Why are commercial flights always cheaper for vultures? All their luggage is carrion."

"[At gang interview] GangLeader: You wanna be in our gang Me: Yep GL: What qualities do you.. M: *Already snapping fingers GL: You're in"

"I've been developing a photographic memory."

"What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts cost $2.00, but deer nuts are under a buck!"

"What is another word for Pokemon? A Rastafarian Proctologist"

"Get your shit together, people at McDonald's drive thru who sit there all confused like the menu hasn't been the same for the last 50 years"