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Joke of the Day

"As the head emerged from my wife's vagina, one of the doctors turned to me. He said, ""Are you excited?"" ""Of course,"" I replied. ""I haven't seen my Action Man in ages!"""

"It is NOT acceptable to lift up the back of a woman's shirt to look at her lower back tattoo, even if you're at Walmart... I know that now"

"Which state serves the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota."

"There's an Irishman, a Jew, and a homosexual standing at a bar. What a fine example of an integrated community."

"I was told today that my muslim optician had passed away....Asif Eyecare."

"Canada is not a vast empty woodland. Our monetary system proves our civility. 5 beavers is worth a caribou 4 caribous are worth a loon And 2 loons are worth a polar bear."

"How does someone pay for a painting? With Monet"

"Please do not power off or unplug your machine. Installing update 45 of 9484727192873828277362517293847265127826262827262726273633833727..."

"A bIack man walks into a bar... and his cell mate laughs his ass off."

"[first date at a chinese restaurant] ""So are you more of a dog or a cat person?"" *reading menu* I was thinking orange chicken but you do you"