79687

Joke of the Day

"[I am wearing a wedding gown at work] BOSS: Do you have a minute to chat in my office? ME: [lifting veil] I do"

"Why are people so sad in Ferguson? Because they live in misery"

"Me*taps wife's shoulder*Whatcha doin? wife:Meditating me*still tapping*Why? wife: It helps me relax me*still tapping* Is it working? wife:No"

"Oh, you like Five Guys hamburgers more than In-N-Out? *unfollows *blocks *stews *hires assassin on Craigslist *unblocks to monitor situation"

"What do you call a partying Hansen's disease patient? A social leper."

"""Daaaaaaaaaaaad, what should I do with this industrial roll of bubble wrap?"" ""Just pop it in the corner please"" It took me 2 hours."

"Yelling at me for warming towels in the oven is not going to get the fire department here any faster."

"What happened to the man who owned a riding academy? Business kept falling off!"

"Why did Yewtree arrest the husband-to-be at the celebrity wedding of the year? They wanted to make sure he'd never been a groom."

"What is a worm's favorite city in Alabama? Squirming-ham"