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Joke of the Day

"Why did Yewtree arrest the husband-to-be at the celebrity wedding of the year? They wanted to make sure he'd never been a groom."

"Don't bore a girl by saying she's beautiful, like every other shallow creep Grab her interest by saving her from a staged hostage situation"

"How to be a white girl: 1.) Get a frappuccino from Starbucks 2.) take a picture drinking it 3.) Instagram it 4.) hash tag 'summerrrrrrrrr'"

"I'm NOT ashamed of my body. I worked hard for athletic build, healthy brown hair, 4 gorgeous legs, strong neck, big wet nose, clip clop feet"

"If you ever Google ""Grandfather Clock"", be careful how you spell that shit."

"I tried on a Trojan Magnum...its really hard to breathe in those things."

"What's a Sicilian terrorists favorite treat? Italian ISIS'"

"What do you call a Nebraskan who hates Obama? A CORNservative."

"I'm not the girl your mom warned you about, her imagination was never this good."

"in the darkest corner of my room, dick cheney sits brooding, waiting til i fall asleep. or it's a lampshade. kinda dark and i'm nearsighted."