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Joke of the Day

"2 condoms are walking down the street and pass a gay bar... One turns to the other and says ""Hey, you wanna go get shit faced?"""

"Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver. Pee is yellow. Shit is brown. I am drunk. This is a tweet."

"Why did the cowboy get a dachshund? Because he wanted to get a long little doggy :)"

"The first time I got up close and personal with a girl was round the back by the school bins. In hindsight, I wish I hadn't looked into that rubbish bag."

"Why did Bin Laden stop having sex? Every time he looked between a woman's legs, he saw Bush."

"What's faster, the speed of thought or the speed of light? Neither, it's diarrhea. Before you could think about it or even turn the lights on, you've already shat yourself."

"Whenever I wake up in a bad mood I always wear a shirt I don't like just in case I turn into The Hulk."

"Why didn't the blind person laugh at my joke? Because he didn't see the funny side to it."

"Why can't you eat soup in The Matrix? Because there is no spoon."

"If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never ageing is wearing the same clothes every day."