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Joke of the Day

"The secret to making a truly tasty vegan burger is to use beef."

"Is it okay to hate a certain race? I can run a 5k pretty well but these 10ks are killing me."

"Farrah Fawcett's last wish was for all the children in the world to be safe, then Michael Jackson died."

"Sometimes when life closes one door it opens another, because apparently life is trying to air condition the whole damned neighborhood."

"Date - ""so...are you going to be doing that for the whole date?"" [i can't hear her over my tuba]"

"I'm no Exorcist, but i did scare the hell out of someone once."

"My boss asked me to pick him something cheap up to eat for lunch he wasn't too happy when I came back with his daughter."

"Why /r/Hillaryclinton is a ghost town All their keyboards have water damage."

"Who thought blowing out candles on a cake was a good tradition? Ah yes; wax would go well with this cake and you know what else? Child spit."

"How do you know when the hole you're digging is big enough? When the (w)hole job's done."