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Joke of the Day

"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because you were the only car in the lot and I parked so close you couldn't open your door."

"What's the difference between a microwave and anal? A microwave doesn't brown your meat. Courtesy of Chuck Palahnuik at his reading for 'Beautiful You' in Phoenix last night."

"It's 2080. Every living human is named Taylor. Dogs are the size of hamsters. The iPhone 47 is the size of a parachute. Weed is mandatory."

"Sometimes I wake up feeling like I figured something out, only to realize it was gibberish. My latest invention was ladders on airplanes."

"Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle."

"""BEST WEEKEND EVER!"" ~ The same stupid bitch on Facebook, at least twice a month..."

"Why was the vegetable store robber embarrassed? He got caught taking a leek"

"Three small children walk into a bar... These kids not used to times square"

"My doctor told me I have type-a blood. Apparently it was a type-o!"

"So there's this mollusk And he walks up to the sea cucumber and he says, ""With knees like these, who needs anemones!"""