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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle."

"I'm a heavy sleeper... Also, a heavy awaker... Okay, I'm fat."

"Why was the tree in prison? Because it broke every branch of the law."

"So, what's the suspension like on one of these? Does it have good road handling? What's the spring rate? ~ me, bra shopping"

"The ladder A man was trapped in a burning building and a firefighter yelled through the window, ""You have two possible exit points, this ladder or the stairs."" The man chose the latter. He died."

"Never own a pet store. Stores make bad pets."

"Someday I'd love to treat my wife to some luxury items, like a BMW, a Louis Vuitton bag, or genuine HP ink cartridges."

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles. (read it out loud if you do not get it)."

"What does a writer hope to get in a Christmas cracker? A Pull-it-surprise!"

"Why couldn't the t-rex find a mate? Because he had a reptile dysfunction."