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Joke of the Day

"mob boss: stick his body in the compost pile me: wha mob boss (grabbing my collar intently): we might be killers, but u only got one earth"

"Exec 1: We gotta improve our company image. E2: Hey, let's call customers at home. E1: At dinner, on Sunday. E2: But be pushy. E1: Perfect."

"I think my husband is psychic! ""Honey, what do you think of this outfit?"" {from other room} ""You look great!"""

"I see your childhood joke and raise you mine: What object crashes the most? A kaleidoscope!"

"Three men walk into a bar, what's missing? The joke! Usually one would introduce this one with: ""I'm gonna tell you a joke"" - but since we are in /r/jokes here, the setup should be ok."

"My daughter asked me what it was like when I was a kid, so I took away all her electronics and made her play with a Rubik's cube."

"I broke my finger last week On the other hand, i'm ok"

"Where do you take a Chihuahua that has fallen into a lake? To a weterinarian!"

"Steve Irwin lived the same way he died... With animals in his heart."

"Did you hear about the middle eastern clowns? ISIS"