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Joke of the Day

"[cops knock on my door] ""Sir?"" ""Nobody's home."" ""Who said that then?"" ""My dog."" ""Jesus Christ, well do u know when Mr Hughes will be back?"""

"So my girlfriend told me to treat her like a princess. So I put her in a castle and sent some Italian plummer to find her."

"If you missed the ball drop last night.... Just watch FSU in the Rose Bowl"

"Onion is not the only thing that makes you cry! My friend thinks he is smart. He told me that an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face and he began to cry. haha"

"I was the fastest gun in the West, I'd shoot you with a ham before you could even ask ""What is that, some sort of ham cannon?"""

"A customer asked me for a good reliable printer..."

"What's brown and runny Usain Bolt"

"Why is outer space so cold? All the space heaters are on earth!"

"Saw a guy on the side of the road with a ""will work for food"" sign. So I threw him a coconut."

"Happy 47th birthday, teens logging into adults-only websites! And the same to anyone else whose birthday actually *is* January 1st, 1969."