79283

Joke of the Day

"I've been shopping for my wife's birthday present. What did you get her? A bottle of expensive toilet water. It cost 20. 20! Why didn't you come to my house - you could have had some of ours for free!"

"Whats Putins favourite food? Ukrainian take away."

"THERAPIST: you're running from something. what do u think it might be? [goose outside the window does throat-slitting motion] ME: uhfailure"

"Fiddy bucks Jewish girl walks up to her Jewish dad and says, ""Can I borrow fifty dollars?"" He responds, ""Fourty dollars? What do you need twenty dollars for?"""

"Q: What do you call a cow who's had an abortion? A: De-calf-i-nated."

"Where do dogs park their cars? In barkinglots."

"Was kind of surprised at all the swearing when I unplugged the church organ to charge my phone."

"I don't support the gay lifestyle in San Francisco It's way too expensive there. They should move to somewhere a lot cheaper so they can save more money."

"Not trying to be racist or ignorant but... seriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike."

"How can you tell when an accountant is extroverted? He looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own."