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Joke of the Day

"THERAPIST: you're running from something. what do u think it might be? [goose outside the window does throat-slitting motion] ME: uhfailure"

"Something weird just happened. My captain just told me Bravo Zulu for a job well done, and then abruptly fired me. How am I supposed to get an explosive tug with my dick in my pants?"

"What didn't the Japanese understand nuclear missile technology? It was a little over their heads"

"I thought revenge was a dish best served cold... Then I remembered it was actually the action of inflicting hurt or harm on someone for an injury or wrong suffered at their hands."

"A man walks into a bar... ouch."

"Blair Walsh tried to commit suicide after the game But he couldn't even kick the chair out from under himself"

"What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? The Holocaust"

"Do you know what would happen if you'd freeze someone to -273.15 degrees Clesius? That person would be 0K Edit: Just noticed that I flopped the title. :("

"""I wouldn't sleep with you if you were the last man on Earth! Never to be said to an evil genius... ever."

"T: Have you done your homework? S: You graded my test? T: No I have other student's stuff to grade S: I have other teacher's homework to do."