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Joke of the Day

"My wife said I'm just like Pluto I have a very cold heart"

"There was a tragedy in Mexico.. It was a two car pile up 40 people died. Got any other funny jokes guys?"

"I farted in an Apple Store today and got thrown out because of it Not my fault they don't have Windows"

"*covers kids eyes* ""Hey Billy, guess who?"" ""Dad!"" ""Nope"" ""I knw its u dad. I know ur voice"" ""Its not ur dad"" ""Stop jking"" ""Ur adopted"""

"What is the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream in the oven Sorry"

"It is so cold... fire hydrants are flagging down dogs to piss on them."

"I'm not saying Martha Stewart is old, but... she needs a new Walker more than the Fast and Furious franchise."

"I should never read tweets at work because I laugh out loud and everyone asks what's funny and I have to say this excel spreadsheet."

"What's the same about a smart blonde and a UFO? You keep hearing about em but you never see em"

"[snapchat HQ] Boss: anybody got anything good? Guy (who smoked weed instead of working): people with big eyes puking rainbows?"