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Joke of the Day

"I farted in an Apple Store today and got thrown out because of it Not my fault they don't have Windows"

"I got a job as a triangle player in a reggae band... I just stand at the back and ting."

"My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save."

"Life Tip: If you're ever attacked by a shark, compliment his smile. Sharks are very vain and susceptible to flattery."

"Tim Cook just came out as gay... I wont be surprised if the Samsung CEO suddenly becomes gay too."

"I just read that a veteran policeman has been suspended from his job... after being caught masturbating and smoking weed in his office. No name was given but he was a high wanking officer."

"I should sell this house, the rooms spin when I drink vodka."

"You were beautiful in my dreams, but a fucking nightmare in reality."

"A lot of women at the mall make me feel like I'm tripping on flaccid."

"My version of ""naked and afraid"" is when I'm in the shower, soap in my eyes, and I hear a weird noise."