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Joke of the Day

"[snapchat HQ] Boss: anybody got anything good? Guy (who smoked weed instead of working): people with big eyes puking rainbows?"

"They told me it was love at first sight during their divorce proceedings. - Reasons why I drink"

"What did the ventriloquist say to their friend? Nothing. He's mute. I don't even think he's as ventriloquist."

"Why did the bass player miss his second lesson? He had a gig that night."

"Every kiss begins with 'K' I whisper quietly to myself as I read his one letter response to my last 7 text messages."

"Why don't Canadians have many orgies? Too many thank-you notes."

"I like my women like I like my coffee Ground up, dried out and stashed in the freezer."

"I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice."

"I hate lollipop ladies They make me cross"

"You know the fly was really close to being called a land... Because that's what it does half the time. RIP Mitch Hedberg"