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Joke of the Day

"*gets into canoe* Guide: Ok, everyone grab an oar! *gets out of canoe*"

"I didn't send Christmas cards this year, what with the economy and all. Mostly I'm just lazy, but blaming the economy is so much more fun."

"I asked my Chinese girlfriend for a 69 last night. She said 'Fuck off, I'm not cooking at this time of night'"

"I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn't work. You could only fill it in with number 1s and number 2s"

"Don't save a spot for someone who won't make an effort to stay."

"Damn girl, are you my cable remote? Because you are weirdly designed and very confusing, and does this row of buttons even do anything?"

"Why do Ken and Barbie never have kids? Because Ken always comes in a different box"

"Making a business call while sexting is surprisingly difficult. Mmm yes, baby, suck my purchase order."

"Miracles do happen even on Facebook and Twitter. Come Sunday and suddenly everyone becomes a preacher."

"Never Lose A Tank When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship."