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Joke of the Day

"Never trust an atom They make up everything."

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime. Give a man a monthly subscription of fish delivery right to his home, profit."

"I dated a girl with a parrot once. Hideous thing that would not shut up. The parrot was cool though."

"[Jaws 5] Shia LaBeouf: Wait, is that a real shark? Spielberg: ACTION!!"

"Edward Scissorhand's death was probably from running."

"This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club ..but I'd never met herbivore."

"My tombstone will just say ""Deactivated."" I want people to be afraid that I could come back."

"Butter should re-name itself, ""I Can't Believe It's Not Polysorbate 60, Soy Lecithin, Xanthan Gum and Other Artificial Flavors"""

"What do toilet paper and the Starship Enterprise have in common? They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons."

"I can't get her off my mind, even the wind seems to whisper her name. Never fall in love with a girl named WHOOSHEE FFREWERRREFSHH."