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Joke of the Day

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime. Give a man a monthly subscription of fish delivery right to his home, profit."

"My wife said she wants another baby and if I play my cards right, I can be the father."

"Your car won't start? Have you tried getting out of it and then getting back into it again? That usually works for my computer."

"Me: Screw you, Tuesday! Tuesday: I have a boyfriend."

"How much semen does a catholic priest have? A butt load..."

"All I want from a woman is for her to hold my hand, look into my eyes, and tell me it's ok to get out of her bushes."

"If Usain Bolt ever becomes a zombie we are all screwed."

"Rape is a terrible crime... I'll never understand how a man can traumatize a woman like that. That's why I always make sure they don't remember..."

"Why don't you have sex with a nameless man? Because no matter what you call him, he won't come. Edit: spelling"

"I speak 4 languages: English, Profanity, Sarcasm, and Real shit."