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Joke of the Day

"hey Liam Neeson is your ""particular set of skills"" gettin shit stolen from you, like, always ?"

"Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better."

"How do zombies celebrate Halloween? They paint the town dead!"

"I have a life pro tip I never wear condoms"

"So what's Robin Hood up to these days? He changed his name to 'Bernie Sanders' and is now running for president."

"Just locked eyes with a four year old boy while I violently choked on a piece of popcorn. He didn't look away. He would have watched me die."

"The first and last person to LIKE this status are the sexiest people in the whole wide world!"

"Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump? Because orange is the new black."

"What do you call a Cuban Atheist? Infidel Castro."

"Someone broke into the police station and stole all the toilet seats The cops had nothing to go on"