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Joke of the Day
"How do zombies celebrate Halloween? They paint the town dead!"
Next Joke
"How did the homeless handicap child die? Alone"
"I remember directing a play and I thought I'd spice it up a bit by adding a lesbian shower scene... Some say I'm the fresh and bold thing that theatre needs, others that I ruined the nativity."
"What do women and Spotify ads have in common? They're both annoying and want your money."
"[catches spider in a glass] spider: omg are you going to drink me? me: oh no this is just to take you outside spider: me: spider: drink me"
"The Australian border patrol is so good... they even stop the good internet from reaching Australia."
"Sleep is like my love life, I ain't getting any"
"Movie Idea: Michael Cera falls down a spiral staircase then pets a cat."
"Beer:""You know what would be funny?"" Me:""No. What?"" Beer:""Really? Finish me and have four more then I'll ask again."" Me:""Yes, sir."""
"Magic Q: What does ""Magic"" stand for in Ervin ""Magic"" Johnsons' name? A: **M**y **A**ss **G**ot **I**nfected **C**oach!"