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Joke of the Day

"I have a life pro tip I never wear condoms"

"so you teens like ""selfies"" huh? well if you picked up a bible now and then you would know god did selfies when he created us in his image"

"""This role looks absolutely fucking terrible. OK, I'll do it."" - Nicolas Cage"

"When a woman says she doesn't want a boyfriend what she really means is that she doesn't want you"

"*knocks on bathroom stall wall* Forgive me father, for I have sinned. ""Huh? What?"" It's been 3 days since my last- [sound of diarrhea]"

"Yo. Real shit. Just bcause you went and got your logo printed on some t-shirts, that does NOT mean you have a clothing company. U got shirts"

"Is there as much intelligence disparity in other animals as humans? Does any cow make other cows go, ""That's the dumbest cow I've ever met""?"

"I had a bad dream about pizza sauce. It was a real nightmarinara."

"What do you call a White Woman that has had over 4 Abortions? Income Equality activist"

"I sleep better naked...why can't the flight attendant understand this?"