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Joke of the Day

"Why is paper money more valuable than coins? When you put it in your pocket you double it and when you take it out you find it in creases. -"

"*Ouija board begins spelling* H-A-V-E_S-O-M-E ""Ooooh, spooky"" G-R-A-N-D-C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N ""Dammit Grandma, haunt someone else"""

"Twitter reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, 'Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?'"

"What do Philadelphia Eagles fans do after they win the superbowl? Turn of madden and go to bed. (I'm an eagles fan)"

"I hear they finally plugged Bristol Palin. Oh, the other BP. Ok, I'll shut up now."

"How are Harambe memes keeping up? Cincinnati Zoo keeps trying to shoot them down. Edit: Spelling"

"I wish I could date Pokemon GO's servers Because then she'd go down on me 5 times a day."

"Why can you never trust a car made in the Soviet Union? They keep Lenin to the left, and Stalin."

"A key difference between keeping a cat & chimp as a pet, is a cat will eat your face off when you die. But chimps lack that kind of patience"

"What is the worst thing about being an egg? You only get laid once, and that's by your mother!"