130642

Joke of the Day

"What do Philadelphia Eagles fans do after they win the superbowl? Turn of madden and go to bed. (I'm an eagles fan)"

"Wife: you're so damn forgetful! M: oh nonsense! W: ok, did you get the cat food? M: WE HAVE A CAT??"

"If he asks you to be his girlfriend say yes and then hide from him so he can never break up with you."

"I get all my indisputable political facts from what my uncle Harold posts on Facebook. Like did u know Obama killed the last living unicorn?"

"When 2016 has to kill one more thing Mariah Carey's career"

"I bought my wife a wooden leg for Christmas. It's not her main present, just a stocking filler"

"Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off."

"How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? Fish."

"My fairy godmother asked me ""Do you want a long penis or a long memory?"" I don't remember my answer"

"If you're an American in the living room what are you in the bathroom? European."