20223

Joke of the Day

"Twitter reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, 'Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?'"

"She said yes.. Unfortunately the question was 'is this definitely rape'"

"A physicist came knocking on my door... I gave him the No-Bell Prize."

"What disease do you get from kissing birds? Chirpes. It's one of those canarial diseases. They say it's untweetable."

"He who goes forth with a fifth on the Fourth, may not come forth on the fifth!"

"Did you hear about the man without a penis? He came out of nowhere!"

"Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps she brings down the bridge too"

"I recently won a punctuation competition. My prize was an apos-*trophy*."

"How many eggs does a Frenchman need? One, because that's an Oeuf."

"What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use some Lube."