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Joke of the Day

"If a woman puts me in the friend zone I immediately borrow money from her and never pay it back because that's what friends do."

"""God is dead, but like, dead in a fun way"" - Nietzsche trying to make a first date less awkward"

"What wears a bright red suit and knows if you've been naught..or nice? The Spanish Inquisition."

"I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9 The odds were against me."

"If the lever on your toaster breaks off and your bread starts burning, can you pry it out with a butter knife? The answer may shock you."

"What's the difference between a Mexican and a book? The book has papers"

"What's a reindeer's favourite celebrity? Beyonsleigh"

"[waiting with friend for his test results] ""I'm nervous"" I'm sure you're fine *sees 2 doctors playing rock paper scissors outside room*"

"U2 are one of Ireland's most successful bands. Or according to their tax returns, one of Netherlands' least successful hardware store owners."