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Joke of the Day

"[Job interview] Me: [thinking] I hope he doesn't notice the mustard on my shirt Interviewer: [thinking] Is he eating a fkn hotdog?"

"Did you take a shower today? Why, is one missing?"

"Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he's a fucking skeleton. He's dead and shit."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a flying fuck."

"How does a chef ask to leave the dinner table? He says, ""Gourmet I be excused?"""

"What did the tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches"

"Gravity walks into a bar in space And shit goes **down**"

"*does coke* *has unprotected sex* *smokes cigarettes* ""oh haha no I don't drink soda because it's bad for you"""

"My dad's visiting soon, which means I need to practice apologizing to waiters with my eyes."

"What was Forrest Gump's email password? ""1forrest1"""