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Joke of the Day
"Your inspirational tweets were so inspiring they inspired me to unfollow you."
Next Joke
"When I die I'm going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook"
"The doctors were concerned... ..about my headaches, so they sent me for a brain scan. They found nothing. Still concerned, they gave me an IQ test. The results were negative."
"For Halloween I put a empty bowl outside my door with a sign that says ""please take one"" That way it looks like I actually had candy once"
"Who is a Brooklyn dog's favorite composer? Bach Bach Bach"
"Boy at FBI headquarters saw pictures of 10 most wanted men & said, ""Why didn't you keep them when you took their picture?"""
"Why are there no nice cars in heaven? Because abortions float."
"Having fun with your primary-school friends, a perfectly legal thing to do, before... ...the *age of consent* was invented."
"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.... Let him out of your basement and he can go back to his family."
"You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to."