127161

Joke of the Day

"When I die I'm going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook"

"Nice guys finish last And they generally warn you just before they do."

"I stick pins and needles in the people I don't like because can't afford voodoo dolls."

"Last night I hooked up with Edward Snowden's sister. believe me, she's the REAL whistle blower."

"When I have to put on one of those thick leather weightlifter belts to take a shit, I know it's time to eat a vegetable."

"The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions"

"I can't find a joke I read here yesterday... Now I have to wait all day to see it posted again :("

"need a last minute valentine's day gift for that special lady? why not give her the timeless gift of my phone number"

"Quit my job a few years ago because my boss was an idiot. Now I'm self-employed. My boss is still an idiot."

"Q: How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? A: A buck an ear."