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Joke of the Day

"My first wife's breasts were different sizes... One spring I took her down to the beach for a wet T-shirt contest. We took 1st and 3rd place."

"I got fired from my job doing porn... I had all the dedication in the world but too many times i came in too early."

"I ate a chocolate bar in bed last night & my wife said, ""you have a problem"" so I replied, ""no, you have a problem; I have a chocolate bar."""

"astronomers got tired after watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours so they decided to call it a day"

"So I heard the Summer Olympics are gonna be in Rio De Janeiro... What's next? The Olympics in Robert De Niro? ""I'm walkin' here!"""

"A ham sandwhich walks into a bar and the bartender says, Sorry, we don't serve food in here."

"What's beef jerky? Dried parts of a cow that had Parkinson's."

"What four letter word starts with F ends in K and if you can't get it you have to use your hands or fingers...? A fork"

"What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak."

"In Starbucks a woman went sh*t house rat crazy when she got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot she ordered. I'm fine now."