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Joke of the Day

"I ate a chocolate bar in bed last night & my wife said, ""you have a problem"" so I replied, ""no, you have a problem; I have a chocolate bar."""

"If I ever go to prison, I know exactly what I'm going to nickname myself... Mitochondria! That way everyone will know I'm the powerhouse of the cell."

"Is 1+1 hard to calculate? It's not complex at all, right?"

"Why are trumpets more expensive than clarinets? Brass tax"

"I've been dating a homeless woman recently and I think it's getting serious... She's asked me to move out with her..."

"I don't always kill spiders, sometimes I stare at them a short while to see if we can reach an understanding"

"Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I'm just a guy in a bikini on the bus."

"Fact: 9/10 people enjoy date rape"

"Commercials that never made it to air Here's my entry: ""Have you had an accident that wasn't your fault and has ruined your life? Next time, use Durex""."

"A man walks into a Swedish chemist shop..... ... and asks for some deodorant. The shopkeeper says 'ball or aerosol?' The man answers 'neither, I want it for my armpits."