77643

Joke of the Day

"Date: what kind of work do you do? Me: I dabble in real estate [Dad yells down the stairs] She visits open houses and eats the free cheese"

"Just ordered wonton soup Hope my apartment can hold the weight"

"Want to hear a word I made up? Plagiarism"

"TIL ninjas only have sex in the dark... That way you can't see them coming."

"An old man goes to the gym... An old man goes to the gym and asks a trainer, ""I want to impress young beautiful girls. What's the best machine I can use?"" The trainer responds, ""The ATM"""

"Dad:why are your eyes so red? Son: i was smoking marijuana Dad: don't lie to me, you were crying because you're a faggot"

"Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again..."

"How do you turn a duck into a popular soul singer? Stick it in microwave and turn it on until it's Bill Withers."

"I just started a new job at a factory that makes chess pieces. I'm on knights next week."

"starting to realize that maybe the only reason i go to see movies in theaters is so i dont hav to face my reflection during dimly lit scenes"