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Joke of the Day

"Dad:why are your eyes so red? Son: i was smoking marijuana Dad: don't lie to me, you were crying because you're a faggot"

"What did Saturn tell it's moons when they started getting too far away? ""Titan up!"""

"What does a prostitute and a book have in common? For five dollars you can get one with crabs in it."

"Been watching Sharknado. When did Tara Reid turn 60??"

"What is green, slimy, and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger"

"I wish you'd told me you were happy just flirting on twitter. I've already bought plane tickets and murdered my wife."

"I don't claim to know what happens inside the dishwasher, but I'm guessing that it's like the first 15 minutes of Saving Private Ryan."

"Who is the world's worst suicide hotline operator? Shia Lebouf."

"I don't trust public opinion polls because they don't take into consideration the fact that the public is made up of mostly idiots."

"This girl came up to me today and said she recognised me from vegetarian club I was confused, I'd never met herbivore"