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Joke of the Day

"How do you turn a duck into a popular soul singer? Stick it in microwave and turn it on until it's Bill Withers."

"Why was the Astronaut cold? He forgot to bring a space heater."

"[movie theater] *reaches into wife's purse* *pulls out lasagna* me: Told you it'd work"

"some babies are born premature but i was born very mature i just came out and i was like so what"

"ople who say they'd go back and change things in their life if they could are pussies, you don't get this awesome without the shitty parts"

"What do 9/10 people enjoy Gang rape. Credit to Jack Whitehall and Bad education."

"Finally took that warning on the cigarette pack to heart and stopped littering"

"I was feeling depressed. . I was feeling depressed so I went to the doctor to get a blood test. A week later he called me back with the results and said B positive, it's in your blood."

"Someone asked me the other day, ""What's with those clogs you keep wearing?"" I replied, ""Wooden shoe like to know."""

"You give great word of mouth"