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Joke of the Day

"A Scotsman is out walking with his girlfriend. They walk by a hot dog stand, and the girl exclaims, ""Mmm, that smells so good!"" ""Oh,"" the Scotsman answers, ""do you want to go walk past it again?"""

"When I think of you, I touch myself. With my finger. In the back of my throat to help me vomit because you make me nauseous."

"I just found out I'm colour blind The diagnosis came completely out of the green. (Courtesy of a family member)"

"What is the best vegetable delivery vehicle in the world? An ambulance"

"What do you get when you combine a parrot and a centipede? A walkie talkie!"

"I'm just saying, if I were a bomb maker, I would make all the wires the same color."

"Time flies like an arrow Fruit flies like a banana"

"A man's falling from the 50th floor of a skyscraper. When he gets to the 15th floor, he looks down and says, ""So far so good."""

"How can you tell someone's a navy seal? they'll tell you in their novel."

"Oh God. Yes. This is so good. I love it so much I'm having a sarcasm."