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Joke of the Day

"I want you to drag me to the bedroom, softly lay me down, & kiss my neck. Now go clean the house while I take a nap."

"There's a website you can use to see if your family is racist. It's called Facebook"

"As the programmer was going to the store his wife called out We need a quart of milk and if they have eggs bring me back a dozen. He returns with 3 gallons of milk and says: ""They had eggs."""

"OH AND JUST FYI.... THE BAGS UNDER MY EYES ARE LOUIS VUITTON"

"why do females love old gynecologists... because of their shaky fingers"

"Do you know what ""relative humidity"" is? It's that little drop of sweat that forms on the tip of your nose when you're fucking your cousin."

"Why do gyms produce the best Rebels? Because of all the resistance training"

"YOU SHOULD BE CALLED JEHOVAH'S FITNESS! I yell as I lose my breath chasing them down the street."

"It would be cool if a jar of Nutella had more than one serving in it..."

"Someone told me that I looked familiar. So I asked them if they watched porn."