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Joke of the Day

"[Weather Channel Secret Memo] To technical crews: If blizzard doesn't reach predicted intensity, shoot all exteriors through snow-globes."

"Why did the aligator spit out his lunch? Because it was two years old"

"Willie Nelson? (NSFW) What is the worst thing Willie Nelson could say to you while you are giving him a blowjob? I'm not really Willie Nelson"

"Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said ""don't walk""."

"How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I'm serious. That Israeli how he does it."

"Fifty Shades of Grey instills that if a dude is sexy and rich you should allow him contractual ownership of your body because helicopters."

"What did fish on the kitchen bench say to the other fish? Long time no sea."

"Two women were driving on the highway when the traffic rapport broadcast said there was a car driving in the opposite direction. ""One? There are hundreds of them"""

"This just popped in my head... What's a mexican's favorite Disney movie? Mow lawn. Sorry."

"Today I masturbated 8 times! A personal record for me... In my defence Schindler's list was a long film"