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Joke of the Day

"Today I masturbated 8 times! A personal record for me... In my defence Schindler's list was a long film"

"Wife: It's like every man on earth has to share one brain Me: [can't think of a good comeback because it's not my turn to use the brain]"

"[donating blood] Me [feeling lightheaded]: I'm gonna need that back"

"Two scientists walk into a bar... One asks for a H2O, the other asks for a H2O too. The bartender hands them both glasses of water and asks them why they're talking in scientific terms."

"What does a baby sound like when you put it in the microwave? Idk, I was too busy jacking off..."

"Why is politics for the birds? Because politiciands always parrot the same old lines!"

"Why did the moron throw the clock out the window? Because it reminded him of Richard Clock, the man accused of viciously knife-raping his wife."

"What did the black guy get on his SATs? Barbecue Sauce"

"What do you say to a one legged hitchhiker? Hop in."

"Here's a good joke! /r/TwoXChromosomes"