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Joke of the Day
"How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I'm serious. That Israeli how he does it."
Next Joke
"Each and every pizza can be a personal pizza if you just believe in yourself and don't have any friends."
"""Please. Make yourself at home."" *Brings cat and litter box inside* *Spreads cat poop on ground next to litter box*"
"I'm sick of numbers defining who I am. * My GPA * My weight * My 1st degree murder convictions * My grades * My SAT scores These things are not who I am."
"Last night I was driving down an old country road when I hit a pedestrian going 50 mph. It seemed to take forever for help to arrive. That's the last time I use that towing company."
"I went to see my Coincidental Hygenist the other day. Turns out she was one of my friends from high school."
"What animal do you look like when you get into the bath ? A little bear !"
"Q. What do you call 1000 heavily armed lesbians? A. Militia Etheridge"
"The orphanage i run, burned down today with the lives of sixty children Thank fuck i don't have to tell their parents ...."
"What is the most common cause of feline blindness? Cataracts"